To Our Family and Friends,
Jenna, RJ and I want to thank everyone for attending last Saturday's celebration for Darcy. We were overwhelmed with by the turnout, the expressions of support, and the wonderful stories and reflections that were shared. Despite the circumstances, it was great to be with friends and family. We believe it was an event Darcy would have approved of.
We are attaching some of the written statements collected from the speakers for all to enjoy. (Click on the Comments link below to view them.)
Love,
Steve, RJ and Jenna
Darcy, Steve, RJ, and Jenna
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Darcy Celebration
I’d like to start off by expressing my thanks to the Balcomb’s, Cindy and Jack, and all of Darcy’s family for allowing me the honor of speaking at this celebration. I know there are countless among us whose lives have been just as profoundly impacted by Darcy’s life as mine and equally as qualified to speak. In speaking with Steve and family, it was made very clear that this was to be a celebration, and what better way to celebrate Darcy’s life and share our memories and stories about her? And while I can’t speak for everyone, I am honored to share a few of my own memories, with the hopes that they will inspire your own- and the celebration will begin.
I first met Darcy when I was in the fifth grade, and I still remember it vividly. She was already a beautiful and striking figure, and she towered over me. Later, I used to bust Darcy’s chops, because she was as tall the day I met her as she ever grew. Early on, Darcy was kind, wise and mature, and generous with those traits. I thanked her for this by calling her “Elvira,” since she had already developed the big dark hair, and those big….eyes. At any rate, it was as if she was already a woman, and I was a boy. There are those who would say that that was a theme that would carry on well into our adulthood.
Even back then though, Darcy never used her beauty or “womanhood” to lord over us. As Brad said, she grew into our Team Mom, using her maturity and wisdom to guide her often “lost” boys, along the way, helping us avoid broken hearts, and nursing us back to health when our hearts were broken. She was a mediator, a confidant, a translator, a guidance counselor, but most of all, Darcy was always a terrific friend.
The great thing about Darcy, though, when we were all growing up, was that she could shake her “maternal” side. She was our “mom,” but she was also real pistol- a wicked sense of humor and she loved to have fun. She had this ability to either elevate us up to her level, or she could sink down to ours.
My own personal favorite Darcy story was one night a group of us were down at the beach late on a warm summer night. As we were walking back up from the beach, Darcy felt the “call of nature.” All of the sudden, Darcy, without a word, just takes off like a shot and zips off behind a trash can about a hundred yards away. Then, just as fast, she zips back, falls back into step, calm cool and collected. I remember Steve and I exchanging amazed glances. First of all, I don’t think either one of us had ever seen Darcy move that fast, and secondly, the fact that Darcy could pull that off and somehow maintain her class and dignity was astounding. I can’t speak for Steve, but I highly suspect that this moment factored heavily into his final assessment that Darcy was marriage material.
Darcy always made things special. Whether it was a holiday, a birthday party, or something as simple as the guys getting together to watch a football game, Darcy always made it an event. One of my favorite lines from the blog postings about Darcy was Jessica’s line that Darcy was “practical, magical and everything in between. She made everything she touched beautiful, but the real beauty in Darc was her practical, no nonsense approach to life and her common sense.
In another of my favorite Darcy stories, she’s not even really the main character, but her influence really is. The boys, RJ and Mason were probably around 3, maybe pushing 4, and I took them off by myself. I think we were just going to Mc Donald’s, or something like that, but I remember feeling pretty but trying to play it off like no big deal. So we’re coming back, and someone cuts me off. Instinctively, I thought out loud- “Hey, watch it, Dumb Ass.” Silence. I sat there thinking “No problem, no one heard a thing.” Then, from the back of the van, I hear RJ shout “Hey, Watch it, Dumb Ass.” And then Mason chimed in “Hey, watch it Dumb Ass.” And then back and forth the two of them went, over and over and over. I remember think “Great, I leave the house with the two little cherubs, and I’m bringing back Beavis and Butthead.” Now I wasn’t really afraid of Darcy- okay that’s a lie. I was a little afraid of Darc, and I think just about every guy in this room recognizes that a little bit of caution with Darc was a prudent thing. So I wasn’t really afraid, but I knew I was in for at the very least “The Eyebrow.” Maybe “The Eyebrow” with a cocked head. Maybe, if it really struck her wrong, I’d get the Eyebrow, the cocked head and the pursed lips. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to.
But, ironically, I thought to myself “what would Darcy tell me to do?” And I knew, she’d say “Ignore it, Babe. If you make a big deal out of it, they’ll make a big deal out of it, and it will continue.”
So, I ignored it. Minute after minute. “Hey watch it…. Hey watch it….” By this time, I’m kind of sweating. Then, I kid you not, about a block before we pull into the Balc’s driveway, silence, sweet silence. I remember feeling pretty smug. Like I out Darcy’d Darcy without Darcy even knowing it. Of course I told the girls, and I think they probably thought it was pretty funny, but I guarantee they thought it funnier coming from me than they would have from Beavis and Butthead junior.
You know, when I look at the blog and I see the impact that Darcy had on everyone, and I see the beautiful things she created and the wonderful pictures of the places she’s been, and most of all her amazing children, it’s hard not to look back on Darcy as this kind of mythical creature. My last Darcy story kind of dispels that, but by doing so actually elevates her further in my mind and heart.
When we were sophomores, I was a Drama geek- sorry RJ, I say it with pride- and
Darcy was a dancer. That year, the musical the school was doing was Oklahoma, and it was going to be a big production with singing and dancing and the whole thing. I had already auditioned, when Darcy came to me and asked for help. She was going to be a dancer in the production, but she really wanted to audition as well, but auditioning meant singing- and that scared Darcy to death. Darcy was an amazing dancer with a wonderful stage presence, but she was frightened by the prospect of singing in front of people- and as far as I could make out, that’s exactly why she wanted to do it. She had no illusions that she was going to come out of nowhere to become the next Ado Annie, but it was very important to her. She asked me if I’d do a duet with her for her audition, that having me with her would help her get through it. Of course I was delighted to help, but I was also kind of amazed. I had never really though of Darcy as the kind who was afraid of anything. So we worked and worked, and we did the audition together. And, Darcy was terrific, because Darcy was always terrific.
And to me, that is the very essence of Darcy. You’ve heard that adage that “Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the conquest of it.” Well, that was Darcy. See, even after looking back on all of Darcy’s amazing accomplishments, I don’t think Darcy was necessarily one of those type who had it all, knew it all, or could do it all. Darcy wasn’t Wonderwoman- I give her far more credit than that.
Darcy wasn’t fearless- she was courageous.
She wasn’t flawless, but she was incredibly beautiful.
Darcy wasn’t even that tough- but she was strong, the kind of strength that only comes from allowing oneself to be vulnerable as well.
She didn’t have an unlimited resource of time or energy, but she gave of herself freely.
She didn’t know everything, but she loved to learn and she loved to share what she learned
She couldn’t do everything, but she wouldn’t let any obstacle get in her way, and she never left a challenge unmet.
In short, Darcy wasn’t perfect. She was better- she was Darcy.
In closing, I’d like to share a conversation that Darcy and my lovely wife Sara would have from time to time when they would catch up. After hearing of the things that Darcy was doing, and the places that the family was going, sometimes it was hard not to ask “How do you find time to do all that? How do you afford it?” And Darcy’s answer was “How can we afford not to? “ She’d say “someday, I’m going to be an old woman, and when I look back, all I’ll have will be my memories- and I want to have wonderful memories to look back on.
Well sadly for us, Darcy never got to be an old woman looking back on her memories. But fortunately for us, that’s just the way Darcy lived her life. And by doing so, she has left everyone in the room with countless memories that we can look back on someday, and as always, she’s left us with some of her wisdom- and something of a promise.
If we can live our lives with that courageous vulnerability
If we can live our lives with a pledge to learn and teach and love one another
If we can fill our days with practical magic
If we can accept the challenge that life presents us
And look to find the good
Look to find the beauty
Look to create the beautiful
Then Darcy will live forever.
Now that’s what I call a reason to celebrate.
~ Tom Zoerner
Laugh ♥ Love ♥ Create
suzanne jobling
March 15, 2008
I would like to begin by sharing some of my personal feelings about Darcy.
Darcy was very dear to my heart and a creative inspiration in my life. I think of her as the Goddess of Embellishments. She could make an artist out of anyone and art out of anything. I will always hold her in my heart, laughing, creating, teaching, loving her family, loving others, and taking whatever time she could to create, embellish and make something beautiful. Her creative, loving spirit was so big that I know it will be with me forever.
I also feel honored to share some thoughts about Darcy, written by Ellen, Steve’s mother and my dear friend.
Darcy was not our daughter-in-law; she was our daughter, thank you Cindy and Jack for sharing her with us all these years. She brought love and joy into our lives with no strings attached. I could count on her to have a totally different twist on things, always be her unique self and wise beyond her years. She was funny, frank, totally disorganized creative, nonjudgmental, very last minute, always caring and supportive. Her focus was her family and we were blessed to be a part of that.
Darcy loved to come to Cambria where she’d give herself permission to play. She would appear 2-3 times a year with RJ, Jenna, Kelly (the dog) and a carload of fibers, art supplies and techniques to share generously. Her gifts of creativity and teaching, without judgment, spilled onto me and my friends. Darcy was a natural teacher. She could give formal instruction or be open to people wandering over with no plan. She would get an idea (a burst of enthusiasm) and we’d all be off for the day, Jenna included, happily creating in her presence. Darcy was intuitive, inspiring and hugely gifted (more than she yet realized). I loved to just hang out with her and take it all in.
What a privilege it was to have her in our lives, the loving wife and friend to our son Steve, the caring mother to our beautiful grandchildren RJ and Jenna, the woman who shared herself with passion. We are, and always will be, passionate about you dear Darcy.
Love,
Stan and Ellen
Memories of Darcy
How does one stand here today and try to evoke joy on an occasion such as this? There is so much to be sad about, yet we must attempt to move on beyond the sadness as Darcy would not want us to grieve long, but to relish in the memories she gave us all through the years. Memories of joy, happiness, friendship, love and a passion for life which always seemed to make her the center in a room, no matter where she was. And although there seems to be a void there now, that void must now be replaced with the memories. Memories of her infectious smile and laughter seem to almost echo when thoughts turn to her.
My memories of Darcy are from a somewhat unique perspective. She almost seemed like the baby sister I never had but always wanted. There were times when she would be over visiting as a little girl and she always looked so adorable with those beautiful eyes and beautiful hair. Sometimes I would baby-sit and we’d play board games and she always remembered the time she sunk my battleship. Oh, there were times when she was fussy and Mom used to have me sit with her and brush her hair or hold her as I seemed to have a calming effect on her. And even though there were 10 years between us, I like to think that we developed a bond that though separated for many years, was still there to the end. As I graduated from high school and started college and life started moving very fast for me, we all lost contact with Darcy and Cynthia. Later as an adult, I often wondered about her and how she was doing. Was she married? Did she have kids? Was she happy?
About 4 years ago the questions kept hounding me and with urging from my Mom and with the wonders of the internet, I started doing some extensive searching and eventually found Darcy through an email exchange with Steve. We started off exchanging some pretty lengthy email trying to catch up. I, of course, had thought the worse during my years of unknowing and she got a big kick out of later joking how I thought she was in one of those ads for “feed the children”. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth as she had the most loving parents anyone could have in Cynthia and Jack, married her high school sweetheart, Steve, and had two fantastic kids. I could not have been happier and although I missed watching Darcy mature and start her family, I am so grateful for the time I was able to re-connect with her these last 4 years and become re-infected with her smile, her laughter and her love.
Marsha and I, her Grandmother Thelma, her sister Jenna and her children Jacob & Dillon and her father Don are all here today to celebrate Darcy’s life. Despite it being cut far too short, it was a very fulfilling and accomplished life which will leave indelible memories for all of us for the rest of our days. Steve, R.J., Jenna, Cynthia, Jack and everyone, we can only just partly imagine the loss you are going through but I hope that knowing how dearly Darcy was loved and how much she touched and inspired others will give strength to you to help overcome your loss and fulfill your lives as she would want you to fulfill them. We love you Darcy.
Chuck House
March 15, 2008
In 1976 my dad and Cindy began dating, and we have been a family since. I have so many fun memories of my sister Darcy. Many fun times that we have had is going to the river, snow skiing, and partying at the Lake House. I always looked up to Darcy for her kind words, parenting, and her generosity with everyone. I’m just thankful that Steve and Darcy raised two beautiful children that we plan to spend our life with. Darcy, I love you and I will always love you.
Chad Cannon
March 15, 2008
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